Week 3 in the great Intergas virgin give-away

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Discuss Week 3 in the great Intergas virgin give-away in the Plumbing Jobs | The Job-board area at PlumbersForums.net

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A plumber`s life is not always a happy one
We leave home early and get back when the work is done
We can go home feeling tired, dirty and smelly
Often to find the wife curled up snug watching the telly

People think plumber`s earn 50K
If only, if only I hear you say
The vans cost a fortune but don`t really last
They are made from tin foil and rust really fast

I know what`s wrong can you do it customers ask
This sort are generally a pain in the arse
Often we hear can you come and see what you can do
Yet when we get there we are number 8 in the queue

Customers will lie and yell you broke my TV
We weren`t in the room so how can that be
Often we ask where is the stopcock
And the customer stares back in a state of shock

Trainees can be good and some are real bad
Just try and remember they are only wee lads
Our job is to train them, take them there and here
If only the mobile wasn`t glued to their ear

We spend our money on stock for the van
Yet thieving swine help themselves when they can
Customers agree the price at the start
Yet when you give them the bill they look like you`ve just dropped a fart

(See below)
 
Gas safe is a total joke
Yet the money they want can make you choke
Cowboys can do the job supper fast
Customer pays peanuts yet expects it to last

Customers see adverts this one they say
But don`t understand and will not be swayed
Boilers oh they come and they go
Some are good whilst others are poo

Plumber`s, Brickys and Sparks on site don`t mix
Sometimes you have to give them a kick
We can leave a job all sweet n sound
Yet 2 weeks later the call is can come you pop round

Oh a plumber`s life is not always a happy one.
 
Been at glasto working ray no wifi so I assumed I'd missed the cut off
 
Cool I'll try and come up with something most eloquent and poetic
 
Intergas intergas where for art thou
Yeah is me all own wok
plagiarism ? don't no wot u mean
seriously I don't
Ray s the sun and his intergas boilers are the moon
(use your imagination)
the vaillants and thee worcesters
are like the montagues and capulets
ugly bruisers thlnk croppie
your 4 moving parts are like a sonnet (more imagination required)
if I dont win a boiler I may have to wire up separate transmitter and receiver
and like romeo I might stab myself
with a small screwdriver-HURT- it could be terminal
boiler entry
more realistically begging for buscuits ray
 
Unregistered said:
Intergas intergas where for art thou
Yeah is me all own wok
plagiarism ? don't no wot u mean
seriously I don't
Ray s the sun and his intergas boilers are the moon
(use your imagination)
the vaillants and thee worcesters
are like the montagues and capulets
ugly bruisers thlnk croppie
your 4 moving parts are like a sonnet (more imagination required)
if I dont win a boiler I may have to wire up separate transmitter and receiver
and like romeo I might stab myself
with a small screwdriver-HURT- it could be terminal
boiler entry
more realistically begging for buscuits ray
Click to expand...

Sorry Mr Wordsworth, but you are showing as "unregistered guest". You need to log in and take ownership of your master-work!
 
Mental torture is heavy this week
If I am to find the words that I seek
I fear easy it will not be
Perhaps I need the help of a cup of tea

The words I write must come from my mind
No copying or using from other sweet kind
The words I use must not contain swears
Only of the toil and trouble the sweat and the tears
 
Last edited:
rpm said:
Our forum.

It`s free to join and the wealth of knowledge here is immense
Questions vary from the very expensive to those of a few pence
It doesn`t matter if your young or old
Just post your question jump in and be bold

It helps if you register and say a few words
Don`t worry it doesn`t have to be much
DIY or professional it doesn`t matter to us
We are all commoners here with a common touch

We don`t just talk plumbing it is one of a few
Dogs, Cats, Sport and her indoors will do
Tales of family woe and tales of pride
It`s all here to be shared and not always with the bride

You will find we talk of the good and the bad
Mostly we are happy but some seem to be sad
You can post pictures asking what is this and what does it do
Our answers will always be honest and true

Before talking gas there is a test you must take
Please understand it really is for your own sake
On this subject the mods here will take a firm stand
And anyone that breaks the rule will be banned

No swearing or lewd words are allowed
The forum is made up of a pleasant crowd
There will be banter keep it clean we all ask
Or the mods will come knocking and take you to task

Talking of mods there is one best not to cross
He wields strong words and is known to have strops
He lives far away but his reach it is long
One click of a button and that`s it you will be gone
Click to expand...

I do not have strops!
 
Unregistered said:
Intergas intergas where for art thou
Yeah is me all own wok
plagiarism ? don't no wot u mean
seriously I don't
Ray s the sun and his intergas boilers are the moon
(use your imagination)
the vaillants and thee worcesters
are like the montagues and capulets
ugly bruisers thlnk croppie
your 4 moving parts are like a sonnet (more imagination required)
if I dont win a boiler I may have to wire up separate transmitter and receiver
and like romeo I might stab myself
with a small screwdriver-HURT- it could be terminal
boiler entry
more realistically begging for buscuits ray
Click to expand...

billybob150811 said:
my computer is ignoring me it takes after the children that was my entry ray
Click to expand...

Ray Stafford said:
Sorry Mr Wordsworth, but you are showing as "unregistered guest". You need to log in and take ownership of your master-work!
Click to expand...

Was Billybob, Ray.

Think the excitement got to him.
 
A likeable rogue called Ray
From William's and Co down Fareham way
Appeared on these forum's
No hint of decorum
Proceeded to give thing's away
With the help of Mr.Zouch Mr.Burton and Mr.Boyce
Came a compotition that made some rejoice
If you win the Intergas prize
It may come as a surprise
It will only cost you a review
If you don't win this time
Drop William's a line
And open a winning account today.......

Regards Turnpin
mystery prize
 
Ch4 plumbing said:
Someone's looking for a holiday haha
Click to expand...

Sir I am of mild manners and meek I have no wish to upset those I do meet.
Banter I call it but should I step outa line then ready I am to apologise every time.
 
rpm said:
Sir I am of mild manners and meek I have no wish to upset those I do meet.
Banter I call it but should I step outa line then ready I am to apologise every time.
Click to expand...

If you get me a pen I'll be your bestest friend In the world!...
 
I'm only saying pens are two a dozen! APP deserves a little bit more don't you agree?
 
For he's a jolly good felllllllllllllow hang on I've got the WRONG bloke sorry APP:30:
 
well done lord ray, your 8000 today

too win a boiler from you, or not

either way i will not give a tot

as next week i'm on oliday.


tho ponderance based on this

however, not to take the p1ss

it is up to me upon my return

if ye shall stay for 8001,

heres to a happy return.....
:50::46::party::presents2:
 
Last edited by a moderator:
A boiler reminds me of my wife,
They both play a big part in my life,
They both always run hot and cold,
And get temperamental as the get old.

I service each boiler once a year,
usually when my wife asks" can you service me dear",
The boiler manual is good to look through,
I wish the wife came with instructions too,

When my wife and i fall out,
She always seems to scream and shout,
Just like a boiler when it's starting to break,
With the grumbling moaning and strange noises it makes,

Then i work out what boiler part to buy,
Sometimes i think "I'll give this part a try",
At least a boiler will give me a clue,
For my wifes birthday present i never know what to do,

But i know with a little hard work and time,
I will get that boiler running just fine,
And just like my marriage that runs cold and hot,
I will always try and fix it no matter what....


:eek:
 
IDCHAPPY said:
A boiler reminds me of my wife,
They both play a big part in my life,
They both always run hot and cold,
And get temperamental as the get old.

I service each boiler once a year,
usually when my wife asks" can you service me dear",
The boiler manual is good to look through,
I wish the wife came with instructions too,

When my wife and i fall out,
She always seems to scream and shout,
Just like a boiler when it's starting to break,
With the grumbling moaning and strange noises it makes,

Then i work out what boiler part to buy,
Sometimes i think "I'll give this part a try",
At least a boiler will give me a clue,
For my wifes birthday present i never know what to do,

But i know with a little hard work and time,
I will get that boiler running just fine,
And just like my marriage that runs cold and hot,
I will always try and fix it no matter what....


:eek:
Click to expand...

Ya big softie:smile:
 
Last edited:
sorry guys - its going to be tomorrow before I can give this the attention it deserves, which gives everyone a last chance to submit some award winning verse!
 
ray likes tulips, he's ok
the squirrels love him as they eat all day
he drives a car thats made of rice
he never cared tho, coz of its price
he sells his goods, most every day
they cost us dear and he makes us pay.
he aint so bad, he gives things away
I wish to good we didnt have to play!!
 
So the evil shopkeeper did show his dark side
He set us a task of which the winner he alone will decide
He asked for poems to be sent in and Gizmolang went first
Followed by others with their rhymes and verse

AP entered with only two lines
Guess that proves he is one of a kind
He seems pretty keen and pesters for a pen
Offering body parts that belong only to him

Along came Masood his entry was strong and showed wit per verse
I applaud his entry and fear others will be worse
Then along came Stroppy his entry didn`t rhyme
He said he didn`t care so why take the time

Lame made an entry telling a tale of Jon
And how he was naughty yet came back with aplomb
Anz spoke of Ray and of his shop
He compared it to being as large as the Co-op

ID`s tale was of trouble and strife
Comparing his old boiler with his sweet wife
Jonnyswamp told of fishing and how there was none
Think he was tired and wished he hadn`t gone

Before I go a request of Ray I must ask
Fear not Ray a simple pen is the task
Then a picture I could post and wave under the poor souls nose
I`m sure you know who and how the game goes

Forgive me please if I didn`t mention you
I have read them all and that is true
This is not an entry for a prize
It`s just been fun from dawn to sunrise

I will now stop with my words and verse
You see I`ve had all week with you to converse
Cold beer in one hand with paper and pen
But the garden beckons and I can`t see the hen
 
Last edited:
Ray, Ray, what can I say
To convince you, that I am worthy
For the Intergas boiler
Natural gas, not an oiler
Cos I'm starting to smell rather earthy

My days are like most
They start with some toast
Washed down with three cups of tea
Then out to the van, without much of a plan
To the custard who's shouted the most

Small yapping dogs, along with pet frogs
I pretend that they are my friend
My face wears a smile
Just for a while
To the boiler they want me to mend

They say "are you done, its just turned one
You said it might take you longer"
Fake smile again
Then count up to ten
I really should try to be stronger

It's took me four hours, so you can have showers
Plus a trip back down to plumb center
"its not on your van?
I think its a scam"
I'M A PLUMBER, NOT A FLIPPIN INVENTOR!

On to the next one, just like the first one
Only three cats and a turtle
Go through it again
Will it end? tell me when
My head is turning quite purple

Pull onto my drive, feeling barely alive
Smelling of all things four legged
Then realise
Without much suprise
That my own hot water's just tepid

Pretty much sums up my day today
 
Ahh, sorry guys.

A family emergency intervened, so we are a bit later than advertised.

See the poll threads here and here...
 
APPlumbing said:
Hope all is well with the family now mate.
Click to expand...

Not so great Adam, but thanks for your good wishes. I'm afraid this one ends with a church service and a trip to the crematorium. Perhaps not unexpected given that the lady was in her nineties, but no less unwelcome, nevertheless.

Requiescat in pace.
 
Ray Stafford said:
Not so great Adam, but thanks for your good wishes. I'm afraid this one ends with a church service and a trip to the crematorium. Perhaps not unexpected given that the lady was in her nineties, but no less unwelcome, nevertheless.

Requiescat in pace.
Click to expand...


Sorry to hear that mate. Thoughts are with you and yours.
 
Ray Stafford said:
Not so great Adam, but thanks for your good wishes. I'm afraid this one ends with a church service and a trip to the crematorium. Perhaps not unexpected given that the lady was in her nineties, but no less unwelcome, nevertheless.

Requiescat in pace.
Click to expand...

Sorry for your loss Ray...
 
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