A little help being funny

[RPG 80]

I'm best man at my dads wedding this weekend and am trying to write a speech. I know there's plenty of want to be comedians on the forum, he's a plumber, so anyone who knows any decent joke's relating to plumbing/plumbers would be gratefully received,cheers Rich

 

[diamondgas]

What an honour to be your dads best man Congratulations Rich

 

[Barry98]

I was an apprentice plumber, working for my dad, putting in cast iron sewers at a very rapid pace. One day, I went to my father, the boss, and complained. "Hell, this is nothing" he said, "when I was your age, my father used to let us lay the first length of pipe, turn the water on, and we'd have to lay pipe to keep ahead of it!!"

 

[kay-jay]

Don't get too drunk tonight dad or you might end up with a flexible pipe

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

 

[Guest123]

Congrats.

Have a wee look through the Monday Pick Me Up thread in the Arms, there are some real howlers in there!

 

[Barry98]

Good thread that, started by a member who deserves a medal for boosting moral

 

[REDSAW]

old plumbers are good with pipe work, but there ballscock=up, so good luck with that one mammy!

 

[stevetheplumber]

what did the plumber say to his wife ?
its all over flo

 

[kay-jay]

I see your from south coast. Don't suppose its brighton is it?

If it is you could use this...

There once was a plumber from brighton
Who said to his girl "you've a tight un"
Well she said "bless your soul but your in the wrong hole, and there's plenty of room in the right un"

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

 

[Dotty]

Just be yourself RPG. The one bit of advice I was given when I was to be my brother's best man was...

"Be yourself, the audience will laugh at you, This is the only gig where they've decided you're going to be funny and they will laugh before you've opened your mouth!"

Also remember to breathe. I know it's a strange bit of advice but the more you think of breathing, the more relaxed you are, the more relaxed you are the less you rush, the less you rush the more time you have to think, the more time you have to think the more you'll enjoy yourself, the more you enjoy yourself the funnier you'll be.

Good luck and congratulations!

 

[julesverne]

i like this one
my proud father was showing a fellow worker a picture of his five grown sons. His friend asked what they did for a living. The father said the older two are doctors and the youngest two are lawyers. The friend asked about the middle son and the father said, Oh, he's a plumber. Someone had to pay for all the others' educations.

 

[julesverne]

how about this quote

“Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.”