You never know what life is going to throw at you!

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You never know what life is going to throw at you!

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cr0ft

cr0ft

Plumbers Arms member
Plumber
Gas Engineer
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My wife and partner of 8.5 years has said she still loves me but needs space and has walked out to stay with her sis!

Feels ****ing awful. She feels she doesn't have her own identity.

The worst bit about being self-employed is not being able to pull a sick day sometimes! Not looking forward to work tomorrow!
 
Bad times mate. Never a bad thing to talk to others. I know it certainly helps me. My advice for what it's worth is give her a little time and space if that's what she wants but don't give up if she's worth fighting for.
chin up mate.
 
Been split up with my missus almost a year, and thankfully we are still so close, and will be back together very soon. One bit of advice I will give. Ask her to write a list, being as honest as she can about what it is you do, or don't do, which upsets her, and you do the same. told my missus to be as brutally honest as she can, We done it and I can honestly say its the best thing we done. Onwards n upwards mate
 
cr0ft said:
Even worse than that. I will be working in the house with a plasterer all day!!
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Got number for samaratans somewhere ? Doubt they will be able to help. Just turn the water off usually shuts them up.
 
all things work out for the better good in the end.

just have to put more into it than what you want out of it.

good luck.m8
 
Sorry to hear this, been having issues with the other half recently due to not having time for her.
ive decided to take some time out from work to sort things out and focus on the things most important things in life (child,wife, health) I think that is exactly the beauty of being self employed so perhaps if you can afford it offer to take her away and spend some quality time together.

good luck with it and as mentioned try to avoid the drink.

best,

Iain
 
Good luck mate it's five years ago this week my ex fu &@ ed me over she's still a nasty piece of work but my son is nearly 6 now and I'm married with twin boys so it gets better chin up hope your ok we are thinking of you
 
i am sorry to hear that but ,
1.this is a sign she loves you as she got angry (we human dont get angry over things we dont care )
2.go to work and keep been your self and stay positive
3.when she comes over dont push it (be the listener) gave her the good words she is expecting to hear for what she really good at
4.never get family involve or friend trying to speak to her
5.dont forget you are the man and you need to have the last word (however twist you ego but be loveable partner )


pls dont be upset from my post , if you dont agree just ignore it

be strong pal :)
 
i think the most important thing me and my missus have learnt from being together 22 years is compromise and being able to meet each other half way. and having 2 tv's
 
Sorry to hear this Keiran. Times like this forget work, your mind will be elsewhere and youll not get half as much done as you want, which will put you in the wrong frame of mind for when you both next speak.

It sounds like you know the issues, which is the bulk of the battle, its all down to finding a route through it that gives both of you what you want. But whatever you do dont rush it, rushing wont fix anything.

Good luck.
 
Sorry to hear this Kieran. I know how it feels as i went through it a while ago but handled it really bad loosing more than i ever knew i had. Sometimes being self employed agrivates the situation as you focus more on running a business and tend to take for granted the ones we love. There is still hope but you (and your mrs) will have to change and compromise and make a bit us time. Good luck i hope you both get it resolved.
 
Try to keep calm, and not let things get out of control by saying too much to her while you are angry and confused, once said it's hard to retract, give her a bit of space and see what happens, good luck
 
cr0ft said:
To be honest it's a combination of me being, erm, quite a dominating personality and getting my own way a lot and her not feeling confident about shouting up about what she wants. Result = an angry wife that's exploded big style.
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Its always a mistake to start an argument with your wife, but if you find that you have accidentally done so, MAKE SURE YOU LOSE IT, as quickly as you possibly can, and with good grace.
 
Kiaran im young and stupid, unlike everyone else im not married nor do i end up with relationships longer than a year.

(ps iain shes asked me on a second date after tonight ;) taken a leaf out of tamz books)

what i do know is my dad is so focused on work he never spent time with my mum or me and the sister.

as such i see how he treats my mum like an employee rather than a wife.
as he treats me and my sister too.

so my advice is soon as you patch things up with the wife. Make a point of having weekend breaks and looking after her first, your relaxation will come from that.

give the damned phone to the apprentice and give him a notepad and 40 quid for the hassle!!

all the time we are running our businesses we are M.Ds first and thats hard to switch off, expecially when that time bomb is in your pocket!

i hope it works out, and no dutch courage before she comes round
 
Never nice to hear this, me and my girlfriend had a huge bust up on Christmas eve over a silly little thing, when we work up Christmas morning the first thing she said was she hated my guts! As you can imagine it wasn't a good day!

I hate all this "don't worry, your business comes first - I'm on the back burner" BS she spouts. I don't have a 9-5 job and she knew that from the start. I always have time for her and said no to loads of late night call outs. Jesus she doesnt work at the moment and seems to think food just magically appears on a plate.

Hope you work things out mate.
 
When i met my present wife i was still very much in work mode. I told her straight up my life revoled around my work. Being a well smart woman, she took that on board and set about changing me in subtle ways i never noticed. Now i am in a good place and work to live rather than live to work.
 
Work may not be so bad fella. There's nowt worse than sitting at home all day stewing about it. You may have to go to work but use it to your advantage. It may take your mind off it, work slow, have an easy day, get some banter going with the plasterer and don't do owt crucial. Leave the final hook up and test till another day if possible just in case. I've been to work before with my head up my backside and just pottered away with easy jobs till I feel better.

You hear so many similar stories these days, women are very self centred now. Years ago they would be proud to be a good wife and mother supporting a hard working husband. Now they have their heads filled with clueless ideas by the media telling them they should expect the unrealistic and they go from having a good home and life to splitting up a family with their far fetched ideals and end up renting a council flat, sharing the kids, no husband anymore.
 
Well just wanted to say thanks to all of you for the advice and support here. Never thought I would find that on a trade forum lol.

The wife came over tonight and I actually listened for once, didn't fly off the handle etc. She said it was scary as I wasn't the same person lol.

She is going to move in on Thursday night but insists on separate bedrooms grrr.

Hopefully if I stop being a ***** we can sort things out.

Thanks a lot for all of your support and help.
 
croppie said:
A pair of wrists may need cutting. Preferably his......
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Well, that turned out somewhat prophetic!

cr0ft said:
Well just wanted to say thanks to all of you for the advice and support here. Never thought I would find that on a trade forum lol.

The wife came over tonight and I actually listened for once, didn't fly off the handle etc. She said it was scary as I wasn't the same person lol.

She is going to move in on Thursday night but insists on separate bedrooms grrr.

Hopefully if I stop being a ***** we can sort things out.

Thanks a lot for all of your support and help.
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Mate, it's a start. Little steps lead to bigger steps and hopefully it'll leave you stronger as a couple. Sometimes you get complacent with eah other, perhaps this is the wake up call you both need.

Make her a cup of tea in bed each morning.

And do the washing up now and again!
 
cr0ft said:
Well just wanted to say thanks to all of you for the advice and support here. Never thought I would find that on a trade forum lol.

The wife came over tonight and I actually listened for once, didn't fly off the handle etc. She said it was scary as I wasn't the same person lol.

She is going to move in on Thursday night but insists on separate bedrooms grrr.

Hopefully if I stop being a ***** we can sort things out.

Thanks a lot for all of your support and help.
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Really glad to hear that mate. Not that surprising getting support on a trade forum if you think about it, we're all in pretty much the same boat, can't be open about our feelings on site for fear of getting the p*** ripped out of us. With a bit of anonymity that the forum gives it's easier to open up.

Hope all continues to work out for you. If your separate bedrooms are next door to each other, turn the volume down when watching late-night p**n... :D
 
cr0ft said:
To be honest it's a combination of me being, erm, quite a dominating personality and getting my own way a lot and her not feeling confident about shouting up about what she wants. Result = an angry wife that's exploded big style.

Mistakes on both sides I guess.
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fair play mate for being honest, hope it works out for you.
 
the only thing to remember is to get the last word in, and its always " yes dear" makes for a pleasanter life in the long run.
 
croppie said:
Well, that turned out somewhat prophetic!



Mate, it's a start. Little steps lead to bigger steps and hopefully it'll leave you stronger as a couple. Sometimes you get complacent with eah other, perhaps this is the wake up call you both need.

Make her a cup of tea in bed each morning.

And do the washing up now and again!
Click to expand...

She will think he's done something wrong?
 
Sounds to me like it will blow over in time mate. I've had some massive blow ups with the wife, tends to be the same hot subjects, money, work, time... All of which I don't have enough of! Hope you get it sorted soon. X
 
Got money and work at the moment, just not time!

Erm, did you mean to put an X after your post lol. I know things are tough with the wife at the moment but I'm not that way inclined!!
 
Oh and cheer to your sales staff for the biscuits in my bath order today Ray. The lorry driver's face was something else when he offloaded them from the pallet. Out comes the bath, then the leg kit, then the panel and what's this he says? Chocolate biscuits! Never seen them being delivered like that before he says.

Cheers! Helped brighten up an otherwise fairly crap work day.
 
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