The Yorkshire thread

[townfanjon]

I nic all these Yorkie threads from all over , I will try keep this thread running for a laugh .

 

[Welder]

View attachment 37905
I nic all these Yorkie threads from all over , I will try keep this thread running for a laugh .

Brilliant

 

[ShaunCorbs]

Sheep

 

[townfanjon]

A Yorkshireman and a Lancastrian are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road.

To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Yorkshireman goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of whisky.

He hands the bottle to the Lancastrian, whom exclaims,'' may Lancashire and Yorkshire live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'' The Lancastrian man then tips the bottle and gulps half of the bottle down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Yorkshireman, whom replies:

''no thanks, I'll just wait till the Police get here!''

 

[Chuck]

A Yorkshireman and a Lancastrian are walking through a forest in the USA. Suddenly, they see a bear in the distance, coming towards towards them. The Yorkshireman stops, takes some running shoes from his bag and starts putting them on.

"You idiot...", says the Lancastrian, "...those won't help you outrun a bear!"

"I don’t have to outrun the bear,” the Yorkshireman replies. "I just have to outrun you."

 

[Darren Jackson]

There now't more annoying when some folks says they are travelling north, and put ‘I’m going ooooop north’. When Yorkshire folk say ‘up’, does it rhyme with ‘hoop’? No, it doesn’t – so it is just ‘up’, thanks.

 

[ShaunCorbs]

 

[Harvest Fields]

This you Town?

 

[townfanjon]

This you Town?

View attachment 37938

Wish I had that much hair

 

[Darren Jackson]

 

[Harvest Fields]

Here one I saw earlier

 

[Darren Jackson]

Here one I saw earlier

View attachment 37948

Got times wrong Harvest, we're at twerk 08:00 - 15:00, then off t pub wit ferret int pocket for a pint o cask.

 

[townfanjon]

A Yorkshireman and a Lancastrian man were sat next to each other on a train. A beautiful woman comes and sits down in their compartment during a stop, and then the train continues on moving.

As the train goes through a tunnel, suddenly the carriage is pitch black, as there was a problem with the lighting. All the passengers hear a kissing noise, then a loud slapping sound. The train emerges into daylight, and the Lancastrian is sat with a sore red cheek, but all else is normal.

The woman thought ‘that Lancastrian guy must have tried to kiss me, got the Yorkshireman instead and got slapped for it!’

The Lancastrian thought ‘That Yorkshireman must have kissed her, and she accidentally slapped me for it!’

The Yorkshireman thought ‘I can’t wait for the next tunnel. I’m gonna make that noise and give that Lancastrian fella another slap!’

 

[leelister6]

A man from Barnsley goes to the vet.
The vet says, "I hear you've got a problem with your cat."
"Aye," the man replies.
"Is it a tom?" the vet asks.
"No," the man says, "I brought it wi' me!"

 

[Harvest Fields]

A man from Barnsley goes to the vet.
The vet says, "I hear you've got a problem with your cat."
"Aye," the man replies.
"Is it a tom?" the vet asks.
"No," the man says, "I brought it wi' me!"

Just saw that one online. Still made me laugh.

 

[townfanjon]

 

[Darren Jackson]

Eating your chips without gravy or curry sauce is sacrilege in Yorkshire. While traditionally gravy was the preferred drizzle, curry sauce is also a popular choice. Dry chips are absolutely forbidden.

 

[Welder]

Is it just me, or does anyone else only like chips which have been sat a good while? I HATE fresh out of the pan chips.
You know 'old' chips aren't wasted so taste better

 

[Darren Jackson]

Is it just me, or does anyone else only like chips which have been sat a good while? I HATE fresh out of the pan chips.
You know 'old' chips aren't wasted so taste better

And a cold battered fish. Now that's proper champion.

 

[Welder]

And a cold battered fish. Now that's proper champion.

Strangly, I much prefer very lightly battered - bruised! Cannot stand cold chip oil (puking emoji)

 

[Darren Jackson]

25 words that have a totally different meaning in Yorkshire.

1. "Now then"
Often used to move things along in a professional/business sense, usually followed by: "Shall we begin?"
What it means in Yorkshire: Hello.

2. "Aloe vera"
Plant species of North African origin, the fleshy leaves of which yield a juice used in skin lotions and for treating burns.
What it means in Yorkshire: How you greet a lass named Vera.

3. "Who?"
What it means everywhere else: Who
What it means in Yorkshire: What

4. "Love"
A profound, passionate, romantic affection for another person.
What it means in Yorkshire: A stranger whose name you don't know.

5. "Cock"
Cockerel, Rooster or male appendage.
What it means in Yorkshire: A stranger whose name you don't know (when you're in Wakefield or Pontefract).

6. "Duck"
Wild, web-footed swimming birds, native to the lakes and ponds of Britain.
What it means in Yorkshire: A stranger whose name you don't know (when you're in Sheffield).

7. "London"
Capital city of England.
What it means in Yorkshire: Where we exile folk that don't belong.

8. "Dinner"
Evening meal.
What it means in Yorkshire: Lunch.

9. "Tea"
Hot drink brewed from tea leaves, (preferably Yorkshire tea)
What it means in Yorkshire: Evening meal.

10. "E-commerce
Trading or buying goods or services over the internet
What it means in Yorkshire: Having a chat with the local shopkeeper.

11. "Stranger"
A person to avoid.
What it means in Yorkshire: A person to greet warmly and introduce yourself to.

12. "South
A cardinal point on a compass, directly opposite north.
What it means in Yorkshire: Anywhere below Leicester Forest Services on the M1.

13. "Snicket
Young adult-fiction author Lemony Snicket, aka writer Daniel Handle
What it means in Yorkshire: A public passage between two houses. Also known as a ginnel.

14. "T-shirt weather"
What it means everywhere else: Anything above 15ºC.
What it means in Yorkshire: Anything above 5ºC.

15. "Shorts weather"
What it means everywhere else: Anything above 20ºC.
What it means in Yorkshire: Anything above freezing.

16. "Summer"
A season lasting from May to August.
What it means in Yorkshire: The August bank holiday weekend.

17. "Posh"
People from privileged backgrounds, usually part of the upper classes
What it means in Yorkshire: Anyone who pronounces their Ts.

18. "Lancashire"
A county in northwest England.
What it means in Yorkshire: Scum.

19. "Pal"
A close friend.
What it means in Yorkshire: Someone you do not like.

20. "Knob"
A rounded handle on a door, a dial on a piece of electronic equipment.
What it means in Yorkshire: An idiot.

21. "********"
Someone who displays idiotic or loathsome behaviour.
What it means in Yorkshire: A good friend.

22. "Bellend"
The bell-shaped tip of a male appendage.
What it means in Yorkshire: A very good friend.

23. "Pudding"
A sweet dessert, usually eaten after a main course.
What it means in Yorkshire: A savoury bowl-shaped cake, filled with roast beef and gravy.

24. "How do?"
The beginning of a question.
What it means in Yorkshire: A friendly greeting.

25. "Tara"
A female name.
What it means in Yorkshire: Goodbye.

 

[townfanjon]

 

[townfanjon]

 

[townfanjon]

Off you go boys

 

[Darren Jackson]

View attachment 38088 Off you go boys

I'll translate the first 5 and then let some other folks have a go..

1, Owzeeno : How does he know?
2, Gizzit : Give it to me.
3, Atha gorrit reight : Have I got it right?
4, Gerrit etten : Get it eaten
5, Gerartnit : Get out of it.

 

[townfanjon]

I'll translate the first 5 and then let some other folks have a go..

1, Owzeeno : How does he know?
2, Gizzit : Give it to me.
3, Atha gorrit reight : Have I got it right?
4, Gerrit etten : Get it eaten
5, Gerartnit : Get out of it.

I dont think anybody will getem lol , love no 10

 

[WC1]

10. "He appears to be going to his abode"
?

 

[Welder]

10. "He appears to be going to his abode"
?

10 is what's gonna appen to me shortly if my wife & kids get their way ...

 

[turnpin]

TFJ find something clean to post up from that great Yorkshire comedian Charlie Williams please...you know how I'm no good at this technology lol....regards Turnpin

 

[Chuck]

6. Smarree wee im: What is the matter with him?

 

[Darren Jackson]

I dont think anybody will getem lol , love no 10

Flippin'eck thas allus chelpin number 10 mi'sen Town. Appen Rest o folk al be flummoxed. One o mi fav's is put wood int'ole...

 

[Darren Jackson]

10. "He appears to be going to his abode"

Nicely put WC1, I would have just said "He's going home" mi'sen

 

[Darren Jackson]

Yorkshire is more than just an accent and dialect and there isn’t really such a thing as “Yorkshire Slang”, it’s historical roots go back to the Viking Invasion of Britain and is the basis for quite a lot of of Modern English

 

[Chuck]

7. ient gorrit: I have not got it.
8. azee giniter: Have you made love to that lady?
9. gizitus mester: Please, give that to me.

My favourite is:

Wi fooking fooked the fooking fookers!

which means "The football team I support won the match."

 

[oz-plumber]

Was it one of you Yorkshire kin that wrote in a thread about a
'Strap on Thermostat' for temperature of flow and return pipes to a cylinder.

It must have been....strap on's are all the go in Yorkshire!!!!

The rest of us call them - 'Clamp on Thermostats'