Intergas week 3 poem poll - mystery prize

[Ray Stafford]

Here's the back up poll for people who were ineligible for the free boiler, but nevertheless put pen to paper in an orgy of rhyming couplets and iambic pentameter:

Vote for your favourite

There's a mod on UKPF you all know,
Who usually misses out on freebies,
Williams have him on a black list.
This doesn't completely rhyme.....
I don't care....

A lot of us have done our work for many a long year
In that time we`ve heard every sob story
So now we tend to say "Oh yer!"

Our knees may creak, our backs may ache
But we still love it at the end of a job
When the customer pays and say`s "That`s great"

There once was a fella called Len,
Who'd give his right knacker for a pen..

There's a mod on UKPF you all know,
Who usually misses out on freebies,
Williams have him on a black list,
And that is where he will stay say`s Ray

There was a plumber known as Cropp
Who was known to have the odd strop
“I never win a prize”
Were his frequent, sad cries
But never did the penny drop

John’s nemesis was a man called Ray
A fiendish merchant they say
Who knew full well
But would never tell
That the courier DID go that way

Ray liked to tease and torment
Poor Croppie with wicked intent
He’d dangle the bait
Then sit back and wait
For croppie’s tearful lament

The moral of this tale, lads, is clear
If free boilers and gifts you hold dear
Don’t wind up old Ray,
Or live too far away
Or you’ll miss out too, I fear!

I'm not having a hissy fit I will just buy my own pen! Stupid game. I'm getting english lesson flashbacks here. There was always that one smug git who could spend 5 minutes doing his homework and still got an A+! Well you ain't playing in my gang at lunchtime masood!

There was an Old Plumber called Jon
who was happy to bimble along
he wasnt that bad
but became rather sad
when a mod decided not to ignore him

so off he went
for some time to repent
the fact he was rude
to the forum (not the whole story )

But it is sad to say
he beggared his back the next day
and had nothing to do or play

He had the idea
to pop back and appear
as a lame plumber m'dear
with manners and grace on the forum

Having been almost good
it remains to be seen
if this new chap will be deemed
fit to win a ludorum

and here we go again

there was a lady called Minnie
who wore a particular pinnie
when she bent over
with her hands in the clover
her pinnie stopped masking her...........ooh public forum

Our forum.

It`s free to join and the wealth of knowledge here is immense
Questions vary from the very expensive to those of a few pence
It doesn`t matter if your young or old
Just post your question jump in and be bold

It helps if you register and say a few words
Don`t worry it doesn`t have to be much
DIY or professional it doesn`t matter to us
We are all commoners here with a common touch

We don`t just talk plumbing it is one of a few
Dogs, Cats, Sport and her indoors will do
Tales of family woe and tales of pride
It`s all here to be shared and not always with the bride

You will find we talk of the good and the bad
Mostly we are happy but some seem to be sad
You can post pictures asking what is this and what does it do
Our answers will always be honest and true

Before talking gas there is a test you must take
Please understand it really is for your own sake
On this subject the mods here will take a firm stand
And anyone that breaks the rule will be banned

No swearing or lewd words are allowed
The forum is made up of a pleasant crowd
There will be banter keep it clean we all ask
Or the mods will come knocking and take you to task

Talking of mods there is one best not to cross
He wields strong words and is known to have strops
He lives far away but his reach it is long
One click of a button and that`s it you will be gone

There are other mods who do sterling work
I also hear they wear a tie and a shirt
But it takes all sorts to make this forum so great
That many drop in during their tea break

There is a man the shopkeeper is how he is known
There is story about bulbs and squirrels for which he is renowned
Now and then he has freebies to give but how he likes to mess with our heads
He teases us and strings it out when really we should be tucked up in our beds

Me I`m not a plumber I made that clear when I signed on the dot
I`ve enjoyed the jokes and the banter plus I`ve learnt an awful lot
I`ve met and shared a drink with a member or two
Which reminds me you never paid and yes I`m talking to you

So here we go for one more week, the regulars, newbies and the ones who never speak
All trying their luck for a freebie to bag, the only exception's you intergas slags

The rules are clear, the games begun
It's got nothing to do with being well hung

You need to be an inter Virgin, and do the training course
And if you keep on fitting Worcester, you're backing the wrong horse

So who will find themselves a winner and who will go without?
Some of you will move on quietly, but others might scream and shout

And was week one and two pot luck?
Or was Raymondo looking for the biggest buck?

I guess we'll never know the truth, it's all a mystery
And in 6 months time and the games restart, it all becomes history

But just remember who's in charge and why this challenge starts
It's all about those crazy Dutch, and a boiler with only 4 moving parts.

A plumber`s life is not always a happy one
We leave home early and get back when the work is done
We can go home feeling tired, dirty and smelly
Often to find the wife curled up snug watching the telly

People think plumber`s earn 50K
If only, if only I hear you say
The vans cost a fortune but don`t really last
They are made from tin foil and rust really fast

I know what`s wrong can you do it customers ask
This sort are generally a pain in the arse
Often we hear can you come and see what you can do
Yet when we get there we are number 8 in the queue

Customers will lie and yell you broke my TV
We weren`t in the room so how can that be
Often we ask where is the stopcock
And the customer stares back in a state of shock

Trainees can be good and some are real bad
Just try and remember they are only wee lads
Our job is to train them, take them there and here
If only the mobile wasn`t glued to their ear

We spend our money on stock for the van
Yet thieving swine help themselves when they can
Customers agree the price at the start
Yet when you give them the bill they look like you`ve just dropped a fart

Gas safe is a total joke
Yet the money they want can make you choke
Cowboys can do the job supper fast
Customer pays peanuts yet expects it to last

Customers see adverts this one they say
But don`t understand and will not be swayed
Boilers oh they come and they go
Some are good whilst others are poo

Plumber`s, Brickys and Sparks on site don`t mix
Sometimes you have to give them a kick
We can leave a job all sweet n sound
Yet 2 weeks later the call is can come you pop round

Oh a plumber`s life is not always a happy one.

Mental torture is heavy this week
If I am to find the words that I seek
I fear easy it will not be
Perhaps I need the help of a cup of tea

The words I write must come from my mind
No copying or using from other sweet kind
The words I use must not contain swears
Only of the toil and trouble the sweat and the tears

A likeable rogue called Ray
From William's and Co down Fareham way
Appeared on these forum's
No hint of decorum
Proceeded to give thing's away
With the help of Mr.Zouch Mr.Burton and Mr.Boyce
Came a compotition that made some rejoice
If you win the Intergas prize
It may come as a surprise
It will only cost you a review
If you don't win this time
Drop William's a line
And open a winning account today.......

ray likes tulips, he's ok
the squirrels love him as they eat all day
he drives a car thats made of rice
he never cared tho, coz of its price
he sells his goods, most every day
they cost us dear and he makes us pay.
he aint so bad, he gives things away
I wish to good we didnt have to play!!

So the evil shopkeeper did show his dark side
He set us a task of which the winner he alone will decide
He asked for poems to be sent in and Gizmolang went first
Followed by others with their rhymes and verse

AP entered with only two lines
Guess that proves he is one of a kind
He seems pretty keen and pesters for a pen
Offering body parts that belong only to him

Along came Masood his entry was strong and showed wit per verse
I applaud his entry and fear others will be worse
Then along came Stroppy his entry didn`t rhyme
He said he didn`t care so why take the time

Lame made an entry telling a tale of Jon
And how he was naughty yet came back with aplomb
Anz spoke of Ray and of his shop
He compared it to being as large as the Co-op

ID`s tale was of trouble and strife
Comparing his old boiler with his sweet wife
Jonnyswamp told of fishing and how there was none
Think he was tired and wished he hadn`t gone

Before I go a request of Ray I must ask
Fear not Ray a simple pen is the task
Then a picture I could post and wave under the poor souls nose
I`m sure you know who and how the game goes

Forgive me please if I didn`t mention you
I have read them all and that is true
This is not an entry for a prize
It`s just been fun from dawn to sunrise

I will now stop with my words and verse
You see I`ve had all week with you to converse
Cold beer in one hand with paper and pen
But the garden beckons and I can`t see the hen

Go vote, young man!

 

[smtplumbing]

i would but no vote thingy doodaa

 

[Ray Stafford]

i would but no vote thingy doodaa

I can see vote thingy doodaa. Can you see it now?

 

[SimonG]

I veto'd, sorry, voted

 

[smtplumbing]

i can see it now bud

 

[rpm]

Seems Ive screwed up again, rpm2 the one that I finished for croppie wasn`t an entry nor was number 4 Mental torture.
Thanks

 

[Dotty]

Hmmmmmmm

Can't help but notice no one has voted for me.... YET!

 

[SimonG]

Its bad when you dont even vote for yourself

 

[IDCHAPPY]

I voted for ya Crops

 

[Rickster123]

Its bad when you dont even vote for yourself

You can vote for yourself?! Damn it!

 

[Dotty]

You can vote for yourself?! Damn it!

Even you have to admit that you're no poet laureate.

 

[Rickster123]

Even you have to admit that you're no poet laureate.

Who's this laureate you speak of? All I want is a sodding pen!

 

[REDSAW]

thought i had gone on a mystery tour for a minute as i didnt see my entry!!!

 

[REDSAW]

Hmmmmmmm

Can't help but notice no one has voted for me.... YET!

united we stand......

but it wont allow me to vote??????????????eh?

 

[rpm]

thought i had gone on a mystery tour for a minute as i didnt see my entry!!!

Wish I couldn`t see a couple of mine, makes me cringe. lol

 

[kris]

Quote Originally Posted by APPlumbing
There once was a fella called Len,
Who'd give his right knacker for a pen..

Absolutely class,

 

[AMW]

Voted

 

[Ray Stafford]

Hi all.

Much as I normally hate democracy, I can be flexible, particularly on the rare occasions when I think that the public have got it right.

Masood, you are the lucky winner of the "mystery prize".

I'll be in touch to let you know the details, just as soon as I work out what the flippin' heck they are...

 

[lame plumber]

Hi all.

Much as I normally hate democracy, I can be flexible, particularly on the rare occasions when I think that the public have got it right.

Masood, you are the lucky winner of the "mystery prize".

I'll be in touch to let you know the details, just as soon as I work out what the flippin' heck they are...

a bag of tulip bulbs ??????????????

 

[Ray Stafford]

I'll be in touch to let you know the details, just as soon as I work out what the flippin' heck they are...

Ok, thats sorted. Expect a shipment in due course Mas. One specially tailored for your unique personality...

 

[Nostrum]

I bet he's won one of those ply boxes, empty.

 

[Ch4 plumbing]

I bet he's won one of those ply boxes, empty.

Not empty but filled with those packing peanuts that blow around everywhere in the wind!

 

[Rickster123]

Is there a 2nd prize??

 

[Ray Stafford]

Is there a 2nd prize??

Yep. Its the centre section of a polo mint. Case of 144.

 

[Atouchofgas]

Well if you do have the holes, I would keep them as they were a limited edition!

 

[Masood]

Ok, thats sorted. Expect a shipment in due course Mas. One specially tailored for your unique personality...

Hmm. I know how your mind works Raymondo and I am filled with a strong sense of foreboding...

 

[Masood]

I bet he's won one of those ply boxes, empty.

To reflect that I'm devoid of any personality whatsoever...